If you have ever watched the American television series Fargo (I thoroughly recommend you watch season 1) you would recall that each episode begins with the text:
‘This is a true story. The events depicted took place in Minnesota in 2006. At the request of the survivors, the names have been changed. Out of respect for the dead, the rest has been told exactly as it occurred.’
If Numcrunophobia should ever be made into a television series, this episode would begin similarly but for a change of the location and date to London 2017.
‘My company’ Britannia Tubular PLC (BT) is a London-based plastic pipe manufacturer that began operation in 1957 and has since grown to be the biggest pipe supplier in the UK. As you can imagine, reading the annual report of a plastic pipe company is about as exciting as trimming one’s nostril hairs or sidewinding ear hairs (yes, I help my wife with her grooming).
BT makes pipe, BT sells pipe, someone buys pipe, someone else digs trench for pipe, we all flush stuff through the pipe, one of us blocks pipe, someone needs to replace pipe, and such is the continuum of the pipe business. My heart rate slowed, and my head plunged while reading page 5 of the BT annual report. I asked myself if any other company could be as boring as this one. Why would Martin pick this one for his 373rd most favoured student? (no, I’m not paranoid; I know Martin has a favourite student list). Then it dawned on me. Martin knew I would be the one to delve deep behind the glossy exterior of the BT annual report in an ACCT11059 exclusive exposé.
Stay tuned Numcrunophobes! There is a lot more to my company than you will read in their annual report. Special investigative report coming soon!